


Hold On To You

by hvss



Series: Golden, Like Daylight [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Fix-It, IT Chapter Two Spoilers, Low Self Esteem, M/M, Verbal Abuse, its sad, not too good at putting tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 13:22:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20724884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hvss/pseuds/hvss
Summary: “He knows Richie loves him. He did. He did.But...It was so hard to find comfort in that when he was so far away.”Eddie tries not to let his anxieties get in the way of his relationship with Richie.





	Hold On To You

**Author's Note:**

> part 2 because I just couldn’t help myself whenever I listened to the archer by taylor swift. Again sorry for any spelling or grammar errors.

Three months have passed since Florida. Richie and Eddie, both still living across the country from each other, have been making it work.

Richie flies to New York City when he has off days and Eddie will fly every other weekend to Los Angeles.

They both agreed that in a few months Richie should move to New York City since Eddie’s work was there. Plus Richie didn’t mind at all.

Eddie’s divorce with Myra was still going, she was putting up a fight. Eddie was more than generous in offering half but of course she just wanted to make this process harder. Subsequently Eddie got an apartment in Midtown, closer to his work.

Eddie lands in Los Angeles, Richie’s Netflix special was being filmed that night and he was so excited for him. He saw how much Richie had worked on it, and he just felt like the proudest boyfriend ever.

He gets his bags, Richie always rolls his eyes when he sees how much Eddie packs, but he liked to be precautious.

“Hey!” Eddie says as he slides into Richie’s car, sliding his hand over to his. “Flight was horrible! Can you please just move to New York City already?”

Richie doesn’t reply at first, trying to get out of the airport. “Um yeah... about that Eds..”

“What? And also don’t call me that!”

“Well I might be doing a radio show bit for awhile that would mean I’d have to stay in Los Angeles a little longer...” Richie said and looked at him once they were a red light. “It’ll be just a couple months, it cou-“

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie snaps at him.

“I wasn’t even sure if it was going to happen, I just went to the audition and well... they called and were interested.” Richie said, his attention back to the road.

“So you went to this audition and knew you could get picked and knew you’d have to stay longer and didn’t mention a word to me?” Eddie glares at him, pulling his hand back from Richie’s grasp.

Richie flinched a little, “Yeah... I’m sorry okay. I just.. didn’t want a fight. Look I’m really sorry but this could open so many doors for me. It’s good to continue to get a bit of exposure after I come out.” He sighs, “I’m really sorry, I just didn’t want to stress you more.”

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “What’s the radio gig?”

“I’d co-host with another comedian, it be mostly to help and give some hope to other closeted people who are still very afraid of coming out. It could be really good for teenagers.” Richie explained and bites his lip, “I think talking about it more can make me a little more confidence in who I truly am.”

Eddie, deflates his built up anger once he hears Richie soft words. He sighs, “That sounds really nice.” He reaches over for Richie’s hand, “I’m all for supporting you, but you have got to start telling me things okay? Especially ones that delay our plans of officially moving in together.”

They finally get to Richie’s apartment complex and Richie leans in kissing him softly. “I’m sorry and I will. I just know the divorce has been really stressful and I didn’t want to put anymore stress.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “When did you become such a caring asshole? Look it’s fine, what’s a few more months? I’ll upgrade to first class, maybe it’ll be a more enjoyable experience.”

Richie smiles, “That’s why I love you.”

Richie was running late and surprisingly so it was Eddie’s fault.

Eddie saw him in his suit and offered a good luck blowjob. And Richie couldn’t resist. Granted Eddie felt bad about making them run a little late.

His manager ushered him around once he got the venue, he could barely say goodbye to Eddie.

Unsurprisingly, Richie special went amazing. He came out, he made people cry, he made people laugh. Everything was truly just so so so amazing. Eddie was so proud watching from the private balcony with the other losers, cheering Richie on.

They all head backstage, congratulating Richie on his successful night. Eddie leans in pressing a soft kiss whispering, “Proud of you.”

They were in the after party. So many important people, famous faces and Eddie felt a little out of place.

He hung with Mike and Bill, watching as Ben and Beverly talked to people. Most of them asking what her new fashion line was going to be.

Eddie looks over at Richie who is talking with a tall, handsome man. The man put his hand on his shoulder laughing at something he said. Eddie’s jaw clenched as he watched them continued to talk.

Bill waves a hand in front of his face to get his attention, “Eddie?”

Eddie looks away, “Yeah?” He stares at Bill and he is giving him a knowing look that makes Eddie look down. “Am I not allowed to have any emotions?”

“It seems silly that you’re jealous, Richie fucking adores you man.” Bill offers, setting his drink down.

Eddie shrugs, “I know that...” He hates feeling vulnerable like that, “Don’t worry, long day and all.”

He gives him a fake smile before he heads over to where Richie and annoyingly handsome guy were talking.

“No, totally! Have your people call my people!” Richie deep in conversation still, looks over at Eddie coming his way, “Hey babe.” He smiles at him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Eddie feels a little better but the guy is still there. Richie introduces them but he doesn’t care to learn his name, especially not with the way this guy is eyeing him. He might not be tall and handsome but Richie still had his arm wrapped around his waist.

Richie continued talking about stuff that Eddie didn’t really care about and it was annoying him. Why was this guy still here? Why couldn’t Richie just pay attention to him?

He huffs a little leaning against Richie’s shoulder. He pinched his side a little.

“Ow! Eddie!” Richie exclaimed breaking out of conversation, looking over at him.

Eddie just grins, “Sorry!”

Richie rolls his eyes, turning back to resume conversation. That’s not what Eddie wanted at all. He wanted full attention on him.

He pouts but stays there, leaving against his boyfriend who was still engaged in this conversation that Eddie was tuning out.

“Are you okay?” Richie asked once they got back from the after party.

Eddie had been quiet the entire ride home. He was still annoyed at Richie’s full attention not being on him. It’s so annoying and childish but he couldn’t help himself. Especially when Richie was talking to that very handsome guy.

“Fine. Just tired.” Eddie offered flatly, sliding out of his tie as he walked to the bedroom.

“You seem... mad.” Richie tried, following him into the room.

“I said I’m tired!” Eddie snapped at him and Richie just looked at him confused.

“Is this about the radio gig? I thought we talk-“

“It’s not! I told you I’m okay with that!”

“Then what is it about? You were glued to me the entire night and being awfully quiet!” Richie matched Eddie’s tone, just as annoyed.

“Surprised you noticed, you wouldn’t stop talking to that tall and handsome man!” Eddie huffs crossing his arms.

“Who? Thomas?” Richie asked confused, adjusting his glasses, “We we’re talking business, he wants me to audition for a show...”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “He was being very flirty with you! He gave me such an ugly look, like he couldn’t believe I was your boyfriend!”

Richie shakes his head, “Eddie... are you seriously having a jealous fit right now?”

Eddie groans, “Shut up asshole.”

“Eddie c’mon... even if he was, which I’m sure he wasn’t. It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matt-“

“Yes it does! It matters to me that people can just think they can flirt with you!”

“Eddie be rational! I love you! I couldn’t notice anyone that wasn’t you!” Richie explained to him as he steps closer pulling him in.

Eddie had a thousand thoughts running around his head and he knew they were irrational but he felt them. He sighs, he was tired and he didn’t want to have this conversation right now. “Okay... okay. Sorry. I’ll be rational.”

Richie pulled him in for a hug but Eddie still felt panicked. He pulls back quickly and Richie raised an eyebrow, “You still want to talk about it?”

“No.” Eddie sighs, “I’m tired okay? Let’s just head to bed. It’s fine.”

Richie knew it wasn’t fine but he didn’t want to press Eddie.

A month later Eddie is pacing around his apartment. Richie had to cancel his flight because of work.

He had been missing Richie so much and things between them over the phone had been weird. He just needed to feel Richie beside him, kiss him and hug him. Now he couldn’t come, promising next week.

Eddie was trying not spiral into a breakdown but it was really hard. He also was trying not to get an inhaler every time he panicked. Bad habits are hard to break.

He knows Richie loves him. He did. He did.

But...

It was so hard to find comfort in that when he was so far away.

A month after that, Eddie was coming back from his Los Angeles visit. Richie and him were good. Spending the entire weekend together, holed up in Richie’s apartment.

Eddie was so in love with Richie he felt like he could burst.

But once again in his apartment he just stared to get anxiety about their relationship. About being so far away. About not finding the comfort he needed.

A month later Eddie was in the judges office, his soon to be ex wife standing next to him. He was so happy to be done with this.

Yes he had already happily moved on, but at least this part of his anxiety would go away forever. And he was going to see Richie tomorrow, which was just icing on the cake.

Eddie happily signs, agreeing to all the terms of the divorce. She would get their home upstate and half of everything. Eddie didn’t care as long as he kept his business.

He watched her sign and that was that. Officially a divorced man.

They exit the building and Eddie is about to call Richie to tell him the great news when Myra comes up to him.

Eddie doesn’t say anything and Myra just glares at him. “Thank you for half of the things. Thank you for divorcing me. You were a pain in the ass, he is going to leave you to.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Save it Myra, I don’t care!”

“I give it a year before he figures out the mistake he made. You think it’s fun spending time with someone who is so needy? Who needs to be coddled? You’ll never find anyone who tolerated you like I did. He will get exhausted from you because face it Eddie, you are and will always be a scared fragile little insignificant man. He will drop you so fast once he figures out how intolerable you are. And then he’ll find someone who isn’t such a pain.” She sneers at him and Eddie has had enough.

“Good bye!” Eddie scoffs and leaves as fast as he can.

Eddie doesn’t know how he gets to his apartment but there he is. He is hyperventilating. He sinks down on the floor, sobbing. His head feels like it’s spinning.

He should ignore what Myra said, should ignore her stupid words. She didn’t know Richie! Richie loves him!

He runs to the bathroom fast and barely makes it when he throws up. He was still crying and wheezing. He was gross and pathetic.

Eddie was a handful, he knew that. But now he’s wondering if Richie knew. Sure they argued 24/7 and sure he had never been happier. But what if it’s temporary. What if Richie does get tired?

What if Richie gets annoyed at how obsessive he is? At how plain he is?

What is Richie changes his mind?

They both almost died twice.. what if Richie just thinks he is in love with him.

If Eddie lost him...

He couldn’t even finish the thought.

He sobbed all night, he ended up passing out. He was awake by soft warm hands shaking him lightly.

Eddie springs a little surprised and sees Richie is there. “Richie?”

Richie has a worried crease on his forehead, “Hey.. You wouldn’t answer my calls so I took an earlier flight. What the hell happened? Did you finish your divorce?”

The divorce. Myra’s words. He felt like throwing up again. He stands up feeling wonky. He just remembered he didn’t have anything to eat just breakfast from the day before.

“Eddie woah.. what’s wrong?” Richie asked concerned, reaching out for him.

“Don’t!” Eddie snaps at him. “Don’t touch me.”

Richie flinches back and swallows roughly, “Eddie what is going on?”

“You’re going to leave me!” Eddie starts, “Myra... she said so. And yes she’s full of bullshit. But she’s right. You are going to leave me. You are going to get tired of me! You are going to leave me for someone who is better for you!”

Richie shakes his head, “Eddie that’s fucking insane! Are you hearing yourself? Your ex wife just wanted you to have this breakdown! She wanted you to doubt this!”

Eddie shook his head, “No! No! It’s true! I have anxiety every time I leave you! I think about you finding someone better! Which you will, face it. FACE IT!”

“EDDIE STOP!” Richie cried out, trying to step closer to him.

“Get out! Get out of my apartment!” Eddie shrieks, “Get out Richie! I don’t want to see you! Just leave me alone!”

Eddie sinks down, head in his hands trying so hard to breath.

“Eddie...” Richie whispers brokenly, “Please let me help you..”

Eddie shakes his head, “Leave me alone! I don’t want to see you!”

Eddie doesn’t know how long he was there, how long was he on the floor trying to remember how to breath. When he looks up Richie is gone and he just feels his heart break.

The following week was hell. Eddie took a leave of absence from his work. He ignored all the calls from Richie. The rest of his friends called too, worried, but he also ignored them.

Eddie felt like the biggest idiot ever.

Richie was right he did let Myra get to him, she did it on purpose.

And now he pushed away the one person he wanted to stay. He didn’t know how to fix this. Richie was probably back in LA.

What if he moved on? What if he found someone already? What if he agreed with Eddie?

All his fault if he did. Eddie’s fault.

Eddie thought calling him but saying what? They never had a fight like this before. He was used to small fights, fights he could solve with a few cuss words and then by the end of the night they’d be wrapped around each other.

On Friday he was toying with the idea of flying to Los Angeles and basically beg Richie to take him back.

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. Eddie raises an eyebrow, he order take out five minutes ago was this company that fast?

He gets his wallet and opens the door.

It wasn’t take out. It was Richie. Richie.

Eddie voice got caught up in his throat. All of emotions rushing to him at once but it rendered him speechless.

“Thought you’d be home.” Richie said, voice curt.

Eddie nods and takes deep breaths to steady himself. “Yeah..” His voice barely audible and he clears his throat. “Yes.. um..”

Was Richie here to officially end this?

“Want to come in?” Eddie rushes and opens the door wider, stepping aside.

Richie shakes his head, “Get your car. Let’s go.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Go where?”

Richie didn’t answer just stepped inside, looking for Eddie’s car keys which were in the front table next to the door. “Fine I’ll drive.”

Eddie followed, tripping over his own feet. “Where are we going?”

Richie didn’t answer till they were in the car, “Back to Derry.”

“What?!” Eddie asked in disbelief, “Why would we want to go there?!”

“We’ve done things your way, now we are doing them my way.” Richie offered flatly as he sped through traffic.

“My way?” Eddie asks slightly offended, “None of this has gone my way!”

Richie scoffs, “Really? You basically break up with me and then you don’t call for a week! You ignored me! So yes your way! So now we are doing it my fucking way!”

“It’s like a 9 hour drive I don’t-“

“Shut up for once in your lifetime!”

“You looked like you have barely even slept how is thi-“

“Yeah well who’s fault is that?”

Eddie stays quiet at that comment and immediately feels guilty. Richie regrets it instantly but it was true.

“Now shut the fuck up because we are going back to Derry,” Richie just snaps at him and then adds, “I will get us there in one piece.”

There wasn’t a lot of conversation between them. Richie was still upset about the whole thing and Eddie was confused and sad. They both hated it every second of it. The air was thick of desperation.

Finally they arrive, early in the morning, Richie driving through town. Eddie wondered briefly if they were going to the sewers.

They get to the kissing bridge and Eddie was even more confused. Richie pulls over, steps out of the car and motions for Eddie to follow him.

They walk down the bridge, Richie clearly knowing where he was headed. He stops and sighs, pointing to a carved out piece of wood there.

Eddie looks over at him and then to where he was pointing and his eyes widened. He kneels down and gets closer tracing the letters.

“R... + E?” Eddie whispers, straightening up and looking at Richie who just nods. “You did this last time we were here?”

Richie shakes his head and just takes a huge breath, hoping his next words would make sense. Hoping he could be calm just to say what he had to say.

“I did that carving when I was 13.” Richie starts, “That entire summer I was tormented. I-I was scared... I was so scared that I was so in love with you and that the fucking clown would out me. But... I came here. I remember everyone would carve the initials of their girlfriend or boyfriend and I-I.. it was stupid but I wanted to have that. Even if you didn’t know, even if you never knew. Maybe it was poetic, that while this bridge stood my love for you would be forever marked here. Maybe it was just a way to get the truth out.”

Eddie steps closer reaching for Richie but Richie holds up a hand signaling he wasn’t done.

“You know when I came out of the deadlights?” Richie started, “That I basically saved you from Pennywise...” He saw Eddie nod a little confused. “I didn’t know he was going to kill you. I actually had no fucking clue Eddie!”

Richie didn’t mean to get this upset to the point that he was shaking but this entire week had been his worst nightmare.

“You saved me, brought me back from the deadlights and you know what my immediate thought was?” Richie retorted, fingertips tingling, “You know what was in my head after basically being almost dead?”

Eddie was quiet now, he still seemed confused but also looked like he was seconds from crying. Good, Richie thought.

“I came back with zero thoughts in my head. Zero knowledge of what was happening. But you were there! Standing over me... god! I thought I was dead! And I was just thinking wow if this is heaven and Eddie is here I’ll stay forever! I pulled you in to kiss you Eddie! Because in that moment you were the only thought, the only light that brought me back!”

Eddie was crying now and so was Richie. He felt a few sobs escape him, but he needed to finish this.

“You’re such an infuriating asshole but I love you so much Eddie. You call me out on my bullshit, you hate my jokes, you boss me around, you stress me the fuck out! You are such a fucking pain! But I don’t care because I love you! Literally love of my life!” Richie takes his glasses off and wipes furiously at his eyes, sliding his thick rimmed glasses back on before continuing, “And there’s so fucking much I could show you, just to fucking prove to you how much I love you! So...”

Richie kneels down on one knee and pulls out a ring. Eddie feels like he might pass out, shock all over his face.

“Eddie I wanted to do this a better way, maybe fly out somewhere nice and warm and ask you there. But this seems poetic enough. I’ve gone through hell, twice. But this week, this week.. was unbearable. I cannot live without you. I could barely sleep thinking I’d lost you forever, thinking that the best six months of my life were all I was going to get with you.” Richie was blubbering and he took a few deep breaths, “Marry me?”

Five seconds pass.

“Yes...” Eddie croaks out because yes. Yes. Duh. Of course. “Yes! Yes!” He sobs and lets Richie slide the ring on his finger. He pulls him up, wrapping his arms around his neck and slamming their lips together.

Eddie could not believe how much of an idiot he’d been. Richie loves him, so so much. Richie would never leave him. Even if he’s a pain in the ass. Richie loves him. Fuck Myra and her stupid words. Fuck his insecurities. Richie loves him.

They pull back and they both laugh softly at how much of a mess they both were.

“You’re such an idiot.” Richie says kissing his forehead and Eddie rolls his eyes. “Not even gonna disagree with me huh?”

“I deserve that.. I was an idiot. But I promise you.. I will never leave you. You will never get rid of me.” Eddie smiles, squeezing Richies hands as he intertwined their fingers. They kiss again and Eddie just wants to take Richie to the nearest bed and make up for the last week. But... he has a better idea.

“Richie..” Eddie says as he breaks apart from him.

“Yeah I know, I want to have sex too. Let me look up a nice hot-“

“No...” Eddie interrupts him, “I mean yes to the sex idiot. But.. what if we got married?”

Richie raised an eyebrow, “Eddie that... we are going to, I fucking proposed to you.”

“No dipshit! Like got married, today or tomorrow or however long it takes us to get to Vegas and round up the loser gang.” Eddie said with a big smile on his face. “I don’t want a big wedding and I don’t want to wait. I want to be your husband.”

Richie matches Eddie’s smile and they both run back to the car. Eddie looks up nearby airports and arranges the flight situation. Then he proceeds to call everyone letting them know of the plan. Unsurprisingly everyone agrees to meet in Vegas soon as as the next flight is out.

“Why are we waiting to have sex? We are literally the most none traditional soon to be married couple!” Richie groans as they get into a cab. They were in Vegas still in yesterday’s clothes and needed a shower.

“Okay we are literally sweaty and gross! And two today is our wedding day. We’ll be having sex multiples times by the end of the night!” Eddie snaps at him then turns to the driver giving him the hotel name.

“More like by the end of tomorrow morning! Ha!” Richie said raising his hand, “Up top!”

Eddie rolls his eyes, “I can’t believe I’m marrying such an asshole.”

Richie and Eddie buy clothes at the souvenir shop, since they didn’t bring any extra clothes.

“I’m really marrying you with a Viva Las Vegas shirt and sweatpants that say Las in one buttcheek and Vegas in the other.” Eddie points out as they all make their way to the wedding chapel.

Richie smiles, “Ah... just how I pictured my wedding day.”

Mike narrows his eyes and snorts, “Really?”

“I pictured it with Eddie... the rest is just added details.” Richie shrugs and everyone awws. Beverly wiping a tear and he rolls his eyes, “Oh fuck! When did I become that corny?”

Vows were said, papers signed, pictures taken, first husband kisses were shared.

“I love you Eddie.” Richie said as they head back to their hotel room. Tension running high, tension they both wanted to brew in for a few minutes.

Eddie smiles, thinking back to their first night. “Fuck you.”

Richie is shocked but he quickly gets it and smiles, “Fuck me yourself you coward.” He squeeze his waist as they made their way into their room to celebrate their first night of marriage.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, be kind if you leave a comment.


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